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To
celebrate his ascent to RM launch issue cover stardom, Morrissey reveals
his enduring passion for the subtlety and nuance of British soap opera
to an equally TVOD'd Eleanor Levy. Photography by Eamonn McCabe.
If Shakespeare
were alive today, 'Macbeth' would be a twice-weekly soap opera set on
a housing estate in Glasgow. The apothecary in 'Romeo And Juliet' would
answer to the title of Kildare and King Lear would have changed his
name to Percy Sugden. Soap operas have, as they say, taken over the
world. Brookside Close is caught up in a tragic siege and the country
holds its breath along with the residents. Nurse Kate Moses gets it
in the soft and floppies, and the nation cries a thousand tears.
And from the Skids' seminal 'Albert Tatlock, Albert Tatlock' refrain
in the 'TV Personalities' B-side of their 'Into The Valley' hit, searing
soap emotion and sublime pop sounds have been inseparable.
For a more sublime sound, you need look no further than 'The Boy With
The Thorn In His Side' - the latest single from Manchester's answer
to 'The Sullivans', the Smiths. And indeed, Morrissey's lyrics have
often been described as potted soap operas in themselves. It could be
Brian Tilsley getting stabbed at a fair in 'Rusholme Ruffians', while
who hasn't listened to 'The Headmaster Ritual' from that same 'Meat
Is Murder' album without thinking of 'Grange Hill'?
It's no surprise then, that the Smiths' frontperson has an undying interest
in soaps. He's already turned journalist to interview erstwhile 'Coronation
Street' "earth mother" Pat Phoenix - as well as featuring her on the
cover of the ill-fated 'Shakespeare's Sister' single.
At the age of 12, he was writing scripts for 'Coronation Street'. At
the age of 26, he squirms with embarrassment when thinking of them.
"They were probably a little too adventurous for the Street,"
he recalls. "I think the crux of the best script was them planting
a juke box in the Rovers - much to the obvious horror of the regulars
who, for some unknown reason, oppose any kind of change in their lives.
"Naturally, the story lines were rejected. I think there were a couple
of divorces in there somewhere. A few deaths - the odd strangulation
thrown in."
Not content with merely sculpting the characters' lives, Morrissey grew
up dreaming he would one day be in the programme - the new Dennis Tanner,
son of Elsie.
"Regrettably I did," he says. "Hmm! I don't think I'd be very
interested now though. I think the programme is unsalvageably doomed
and it could only be a severe social embarrassment if I cropped up in
the Rovers now.
"At one time though, I thought it was full of poetic instinct and it
meant a great deal to many people. But those days are certainly gone.
I find the thing unbearable now."
Even the untimely pregnancy of school leaver Andrea Clayton by ex-para
Terry Duckworth has failed to grip the Smiths' singer.
"Is she really pregnant?" he asks. "I can't imagine that interesting
anybody. Not even Andrea. It's so predictable as well. So predictable.
They're trying to gain this mass young audience now by introducing all
these strange things. It's frightening."
CORONATION
STREET RIP?
Do you think the downfall began with the departure of Elsie Tanner and
Len Fairclough?
Unquestionably. They were so swamped with character. The thing now
is so empty - it's plotless. And they don't seem to bother any more.
They're content to show this brown wooden door, week after week, and
all activity occurs in front of this brown wooden door.
Even the characters like Rita, who used to have great strength, just
look lost and like they're wandering about in the wilderness. Bet Lynch,
who was so strong and so captivating, just leaves me bored rigid now.
Hilda Ogden similarly. She's turned in to a total caricature - it just
doesn't wash.
There are so many people I'd wish death upon in 'Coronation Street'
now. I'm still desperately searching for any point to the existence
of Deirdre and Ken, who take blandness to a new extreme.
What do
you think of the new girl playing Deirdre's daughter Tracey?
She hasn't been re-modelled has she? (horrified)
Can she act?
No
(Nodding) I thought Tracey Langton was probably the first
real indication of the total erosion of the programme. She was so appalling.
And week after week you'd read in the newspapers of the dramatically
talented Christabel Finch (who played the offending article).
This used to exasperate me.
They've never really been successful with children in 'Coronation
Street'. I don't know where they pick them from. I do have a soft spot
for old Percy though - Percy Sugden - which nobody seems to understand.
And I was quite appalled to see a census in one of the tabloids in which
he was voted the most despicable soap opera character in the history
of the soaps.
At least
it was a reaction
It was - but I thought it was quite cruel. He's really quite endearing.
In a strange way.
In the
wake of the recent siege in 'Brookside', there's never been any real
violence in 'Coronation Street' has there? Apart from Ernie Bishop getting
shot...
Yes, but the camera work was so vague that one just simply caught
a quick glance of a 12-bore shot gun and the credits were swiftly rolling.
You felt cheated. No, there's never been any true, theatrical violence
- which makes it seem quite unbelievable.
The rows that occurred in the mid-Sixties that used to make the headlines
in the national dailies - the ones between Ena Sharples and Elsie Tanner
- were considered quite violent and brutal and boorish - and vulgar.
That doesn't happen any more. People aren't vulgar - everyone's so polite.
There's this sugary toleration and togetherness. Which, of course, never
occurs in daily life. And there's never been a character in 'Coronation
Street' - what am I saying? I'm getting carried away here - who has
been grossly unfriendly and had nothing to do with the string of regulars.
Everybody's so inexcusably and unpardonably reasonable.
CROSSROADS
What I've always felt about 'Crossroads' is that it's completely
and entirely impossible to care for the characters. David Hunter was
in the programme for 50 years and I still wouldn't recognise him if
he was dancing on that table now.
EASTENDERS
It can be witty, but I find it a little bit 'how's your father' and
'stone the crows'. It's a bit 'Cor blimey!' (I think Morrissey's
missed the point here - EL) And again, that so much activity
can occur on one street corner, to me is questionable. And when you
see the exterior scene and all 50 characters are passing by the same
lamppost! And we're expected to believe that this is how they go about
their daily business. It's a little suspect.
VIVA
BROOKSIDE!
I'm hopelessly addicted to 'Brookside'.
Do you
think it's taken over from 'Coronation Street' as a programme that makes
you 'care'?
Yes, it does, it does. There's some skill in 'Brookside' - they actually
make an effort. And the script is quite funny. It's not relentlessly
vaudeville as 'Coronation Street' is now - that's simply 'I say, I say,
I say'. 'Brookside' is funny in a witty way, not a dim way. Most importantly
- it's realistic.
So who
are your favourite characters?
I suppose I like Harry Cross. And Edna. (God rest her soul.)
Edna Cross incidentally - for your notepad - was the very first person
ever to utter a word in 'Coronation Street'.
She ran
the corner shop Alf Roberts has just converted into a self-service supermarket,
didn't she?
She did indeed, she did indeed. And very expertly too.
If young
characters in 'Coronation Street' don't work - what of the ones like
Damon and Karen Grant in 'Brookside'?
This word realism - it goes back to that. The young people in 'Coronation
Street' are just not believable. You can tell the parts are written
by scriptwriters of a considerably advanced age themselves.
The young people in 'Brookside' are quite casually young and it isn't
a dramatic statement that they're young.
What would
be your favourite moment from 'Brookside'?
Oh good heavens, there are so many. One's diary is just littered
with moments from 'Brookside'. I think the time Sheila Grant was knocked
down. It certainly wasn't the time Edna got mugged. She jumped to the
ground, purposefully emptied her bag of all her groceries and smashed
her eggs.
So, no - I found the time Sheila was knocked over by Karen's boyfriend
on his motorbike while she was six months pregnant gripping - absolutely
gripping. The slow motion was breathtaking.
There have
been a lot of deaths in the programme recently. This seems to have been
a trend from the very beginning. Did you see when Gavin Taylor was found
dead just after having unknowingly fathered a child even though he was
supposed to be sterile?
Yes. I thought it was a little hasty. One had just got used to him
and he was suddenly choking to death in bed.
Isn't that
just indicative of life itself?
I think it's hasty when soap operas bump people off. Sometimes it's
not necessary to retain public interest and it's usually the characters
you care something for (like Edna Cross). The ones you want to die never
die - this is what I don't understand.
Who would
you like to die then?
I get exasperated with Heather. She's a little bit too happy for
my liking.
ALBION
MARKET
Oh, ghastly! Nobody ever talks like that.
AND
FINALLY...
Have you ever been mentioned or had a record played in any of the soaps?
I sincerely doubt it. On the day that happened with Dead Or Alive,
though, I found it extraordinary - it was the height of their career.
I told them so and they virtually agreed. It was really exciting to
hear them playing in - dammit! - the Claytons' living room.
So 'Coronation
Street' does have its uses?
Well, yes. It does have its uses ultimately. Exposing Dead Or Alive
and corrupting a generation.
This
article was originally published in the September 21, 1985 issue of
Record Mirror magazine.
Reprinted without permission for personal use only.
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