NAME: Morrissey.
BORN: May 22, 1959, Manchester, England.
JOBS: None.
SCHOOLS ATTENDED: St. Mary's Secondary Modern, Stretford, Manchester and St. Wilfrids Junior School, Hulme, Manchester.
FAVE SUBJECTS: English language, sports.
CRUELEST TEACHER: Secondary school headmaster, Mr. Morgan.
FAVORITE HAT: Wilstaff.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CAMPING IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS? Yes, many times. As an adolescent I was often discovered under canvas.
MOST MEMORABLE XMAS: Christmas poses the biggest threat to the family fabric. The best we can hope for from this dull period is that it passes swiftly.
WHAT NASTY HABITS WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE? I'm far too generous.
LAST BOOK READ: Love, Sex & War by John Costello.
DID YOU EVER HAVE LONG HAIR? Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death.
DO YOU OWN A SUIT? No.
DO YOU OWN A LEATHER JACKET? No.
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR BEDROOM WALLS? Off-white.
WHAT HANGS ON THEM? A myriad of Morrissey portraits, what else?
WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE ORDER? Sugarless tea.
FAVE VEGETARIAN RECIPE: Vegetarian cheese.
EXERCISE ROUTINE: Seizing the mail from the postman.
ATHLETIC ENDEAVOR: Mountaineering.
WORST BOUT OF STAGE FRIGHT: I have never experienced stage fright.
MOST IRRATIONAL FEAR: Marriage.
HOW WOULD YOU SPEND A RAINY DAY? Indoors.
DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS: Duty-bound and tiresome.
DO YOU OWN A TV SET? My television set is my kidney machine.
PREFERRED VIEWING: Pre-70's British films.
IF YOU ORGANIZED A BAND AID-TYPE EVENT WHAT CAUSE WOULD YOU CHOOSE? AIDS.
THE BIGGEST LIE I EVER TOLD IS... ...still working to good effect, so...
PETS: Two cats - Tibby (23 human years old) and Noname (8 years old)
FAVE WHAM! SONG: "I'm A Hog For You, Baby"
MOST EXOTIC ILLNESS YOU'VE SURVIVED: Ugly neck operation involving vile tubes.
ARE YOU STILL CELIBATE? Yes. Boring, isn't it?

This article was originally published in Star Hits magazine in 1986. Reprinted without permission for personal use only.